A Day With The Espada
by m4gg0t
Summary: What would you do...if you woke up to almost all of the Espada and more in your living room? This is what I'd do. Enjoy! Rated T for language and hinted sexual content. Oneshot.


**I got bored and decided to write this...I think it would be pretty cool to wake up and have some of the Espada chilling in my living room. Hehe...yea that'd be cool. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow bickering..hehe...that'd be heaven...they both have sexy voices. Anyways...imma shut up so you can read. You probably won't read this part anyways...lol.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters...if I did...Hinamori would have died and Ulquiorra and Grimmjow would be real...very real. :)**

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I woke up this morning to an odd little surprise sitting in my living room. The first people I saw were Gin and Toshiro. They were waiting outside of my bedroom door. Well, Toshiro didn't look too happy, but Gin looked ecstatic!

"What the hell?" I asked blankly. It wasn't the nicest thing to wake up to before coffee.

"We were waiting for you to get up. We need your bedroom," Gin tried smiling innocently.

"You guys...are not doing a damn thing on my bed. Go away," I grumbled.

I walked into the living room to an even bigger surprise. Sitting there in front of me was Aizen, Tousen, Ulquiorra, Nnoitora, Grimmjow, Szayel, Stark, Yami, and Halibel. I had six of the ten Espada...sitting in my living room. What...the...fuck.

"Who let you guys in?" Was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

"The door was unlocked, so we let ourselves in. We didn't think you'd mind," Aizen answered smoothly.

"The first thing I want to wake up to in the morning is a hot cup of coffee. Not you guys," I sighed.

"That's why I took the liberty of making a pot of coffee for you," Aizen smiled.

I looked over to the coffee pot and sure enough there was a hot pot of coffee. I made a cup of coffee and sat down in my computer chair. After smoking a cigarette and waking up a bit more I turned to Aizen.

"So why are you guys here?" I asked calmly.

"Well, Las Noches is being cleaned today. As in spring cleaning. So we decided that we would just be in the way, seeing as we really didn't have anything to do there. So we decided to visit the material world. So we came here, just for the time being of course," Aizen replied.

"Then where is everyone else? There's only six Espada here and don't you guys have Fraccions or something?" I asked, now a bit curious.

"They didn't want to come. So we left them there," Aizen took a sip of his tea. Wait...I didn't make tea. I didn't even have tea bags. Where did that come from?

"Okay...so...how long will everyone be bunking in my damned living room?" I sighed.

"Oh just for a couple hours. It usually doesn't take too long to clean the place up. Grimmjow and Nnoitora's rooms might take a while though," Aizen peered over at the sixth and fifth Espada.

"Well try not to break anything. Or kill anything. Or...oh god this is going to be a long day," I set my head in my hands and sighed.

"We'll try to make it a pleasant one. Where did Gin and Toshiro go anyways?" Aizen wondered.

"They were going to go steal my bed...but I think they used the bathroom instead. Nobody's allowed to pork on the bed unless it's me," I explained.

"Oh, we won't be seeing them for the rest of the day then. Good, I'm not to happy with Gin bringing that kid around here," Nnoitora growled.

"And why is that? Is big bad Nnoitora afraid of the tenth division captain?" I smiled.

"No...he's just annoying!" Nnoitora spat.

"Sure, I understand," I smiled even wider.

"Why you..." Nnoitora started.

"Calm yourself Nnoitora. It's useless getting upset over such petty things," Ulquiorra butted in.

"I agree with the fourth there," I smiled even WIDER if that was possible.

"Shut up! You're just Aizen-sama's stupid little pet. I don't have to listen to you," Nnoitora growled.

"I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THAT! YES..THANK GOD!!" Grimmjow howled.

"You guys are fucking weird," I sighed.

"Hey...Aizen-sama's lil pet. I'm bored. Do something," Grimmjow laughed as he jabbed a finger into Ulquiorra's side.

"Yea Aizen-sama's pet. Do something. I'm bored too," Nnoitora started poking Ulquiorra's other side.

If you didn't know Ulquiorra that well, it would seem as if he didn't even feel the two jabbing into his sides. But with closer examination, he was getting pissed, and fast. Grimmjow and Nnoitora noticed this, and just started poking him harder. Ulquiorra eventually had enough of it and lifted both of his arms and punched both men in the face. This sent them flying in different directions. Sadly...this broke things in the house. For example...Grimmjow landed on the dining room table, broken in two now, and Nnoitora slammed into the wall...well...through the wall. He was now sitting in the bath tub on the other side of the living room wall.

"Dammit you guys! Fuckin fix it!" I growled.

"You should probably wait to say that until we leave. Or else you'll be saying it quite a lot today," Stark yawned.

"My house is fucked," I mumbled to myself.

"Yea, to say the least," Stark mumbled as he curled back up in the chair he was sitting in.

"Dammit don't you go to sleep on me. You're higher ranking...you stop them," I squealed.

"Mmmmm...later," Stark mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.

Luckily I wasn't the only one that had to be put through this. My cousin had stayed the night and the bangs and crashes were enough to wake her up.

"The fuck is going on out here!?" Alicia half screamed.

"We have visitors..." I sighed.

"Dude...why is over half the Espada chilling in your living room?" She asked slightly in shock.

"Because I'm apparently the only one in the material world with a house," I whined.

"Haha...cool. Too bad Gin's not here. I wanted to fuck with him," Alicia sighed.

"He is here...him and Toshiro are in the bathroom...porking...like they always are," I replied.

"Oh really?" Alicia grinned evilly.

"Yes really," I replied noticing the look on her face, "You should go greet them."

"I think I will," Alicia turned and walked out of the room, heading for the bathroom.

"Now why do you have to go and mess with them? I'm sure they were having loads of fun in there," Stark half mumbled and it took me a second to notice he wasn't talking to himself.

"Cause they are fuckin in MY bathroom. It's to be expected," I replied calmly.

"FOX FACE!! SHIRO-CHAN!!" Alicia busted through the bathroom door.

"HEY!! OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT NOW!!!" Toshiro squealed.

"Hey. How's it goin?" Gin smiled.

"Good. What's in that brown bag ya got there?" Alicia asked deviously.

"Hehe...fun stuff," Gin giggled.

"Get out dammit!" Toshiro screamed.

"Nope..sorry Shiro-chan I can't do that. So how ya been?" Alicia asked conversationally.

"Kinda bored to tell ya the truth. Comin to the material world is the most fun I've been allowed to have for a while," Gin replied.

"Well in that case I'll leave you two be. Seems like I might have interrupted something," Alicia shrugged.

"You think?!" Toshiro spat.

"See ya later," Alicia waved and closed the door.

"Bye bye," Gin replied through the closed door.

"Yea they're porkin," Alicia laughed as she walked into the living room.

"Toshiro didn't sound too happy," I smiled.

"He's shy," Alicia replied innocently.

"I just don't see why they had to come here to pork. Can't they just do that in Hueco Mundo?" I asked nobody in particular.

"Hitsugaya-taichou isn't allowed to enter Hueco Mundo. Security purposes," Aizen replied.

"Then why doesn't Gin just meet him somewhere in the material world?" I asked.

"Well...he did," Yami butted in.

"Yea...somewhere OTHER than here. I'm really not looking forward to cleaning up in there," I sighed.

"I will repeat my previous actions if you do not stop," Ulquiorra hissed as Grimmjow returned and started poking him...again.

"Then I'll just come back and repeat my previous actions'," Grimmjow laughed.

"Quit fuckin with the poor guy Grimmjow," Alicia sighed.

"Yes please stop. You already broke my table..." I agreed.

"I'll join ya Grimmjow," Nnoitora smiled as he pulled himself through the wall.

"You two are acting like four year olds," Halibel commented.

"Are they always this annoying?" I asked.

"Most of the time yes," Halibel replied.

"I would have killed the fuckers by now. And if I couldn't kill them then I'd end up killing myself," I giggled.

"I've thought about it..." Halibel sighed.

"You're higher ranking...why don't you stop them?" Alicia asked.

"For the same reason Stark doesn't stop them," She replied.

"Because you're sleeping?" I half giggled.

"No because it's not worth it. They'll just start back up again when we turn our heads," Halibel replied calmly.

"Then kill em. They can't start it back up if they're dead," Alicia shrugged.

"Aizen-sama won't let us. Or else I would..." Halibel replied.

"I chose my Espada for a reason. I don't need them killing one another," Aizen smiled.

"Then you break em up," Alicia pointed to Aizen.

"Ulquiorra can deal with it himself," Aizen replied.

"I don't think he wants to...looks to me like they are about to drive the poor guy to insanity," I laughed.

The whole time Ulquiorra didn't make the slightest attempt to say anything about this. He just sat there, with a slightly agitated look on his face. Nnoitora's pokes didn't bother him all that much. But Grimmjow's. Grimmjow's pokes were always jabbing into the muscle so they left a slight pang there even long after he was done poking. This infamous Grimmjow poke was by far the most annoying thing the fourth Espada had ever felt in his life. This was secretly one of the reasons he had decided to dispose of the sixth when the time came. He had actually thought about giving Grimmjow a nice firm poke right before he killed the guy. Ulquiorra sighed inwardly as he was now not only bothered by two Espada continually poking him, but Gin and Toshiro could be heard loud in clear from the other room. He now wished that he had just stayed in Las Noches.

"Sounds like Gin has whipped out the bag," Alicia smiled.

"The bag?" I asked.

"Yea...Gin had a brown paper bag in there with him full of...'fun stuff'," Alicia giggled.

"Ohhh...Gin came prepared," I grinned.

"Aizen-sama, is it alright if I go outside for a little bit?" Yami asked over the loud sex noises made from the other room.

"What do you wish to do?" Aizen asked.

"Just sit on the roof...to get away from the noise," Yami replied.

"Very well," Aizen nodded.

Yami then got up and walked outside. Shortly after, a small dent was made in the roof of the trailer. Not long after that...a yelping sound.

"The hell is he doing?" I asked.

I walked outside to investigate...and sure enough...Yami was sitting on the roof...throwing random sticks and rocks at the neighbors dog.

"Please don't kill my neighbors dog. I can't stand the damn thing but if you do I'll have to hear about it later," I sighed.

"I'll try," Yami replied shortly before chucking a twig at the dog.

I walked back inside and then noticed...my dog was missing.

"Where's Azreal?" I asked the crowd.

"Oh...Szayel just took him in your room. Said he wanted to play with him," Alicia replied calmly.

"Ohhhhhhh no," I sighed as I walked toward my room.

When I opened the door, Szayel had my dog laying down and his zonpaktou drawn. He looked up at me and smiled.

"You're animal is very interesting," Szayel smiled innocently.

"Let go of my dog. You're NOT dissecting him. Now out," I commanded.

"Oh come on. I'll put him back together I promise," Szayel whined.

"No. Now out," I growled.

Szayel frowned and walked out of the room, sheathing his zonpaktou. I walked behind him, watching him closely. My gaze was quickly turned from Szayel's back to a now very irritated Tousen. He was standing in the middle of the room with his arms folded and feet planted firmly on the floor.

"Come sit down Tousen," Aizen smiled.

"No, I'm not moving. This is fucked up," Tousen pouted.

"The fuck is going on now?" I asked.

"Aizen is trying to trip Tousen," Alicia whispered in my ear.

I sat down and happily watched the show.

"I promise I won't do it again. Now please just come sit down," Aizen looked over at Grimmjow who took the hint and picked up a pole, ready to trip the blind ex-captain.

"I don't trust you," Tousen refused to move.

"Here...I'll even take your hand to make sure you don't trip on anything," Aizen grabbed onto Tousens hand.

Tousen sighed but started to walk. As soon as he took his second step Grimmjow put the pole in front of Tousen. Tousen sensed it and stopped walking.

"Come on you're almost there," Aizen coaxed.

"No...there's something right there," Tousen pointed to the pole.

"No there's not. Now come on," Aizen sighed.

"You're lieing. I can sense it," Tousen let go of Aizen's hand and sat on the floor where he stood.

Aizen sighed and finally gave up, "If you say so. But the couch is a lot more comfortable."

I sighed deeply. I had six Espada in my house along with their three leaders and a captain. Two were in the bathroom, and probably would be all day. One was sitting on a now dented roof throwing shit at a dog. Two were poking another one while yet another one was telling them how they were childish. One was sleeping and probably would be all day. One was trying and trying and trying to get my dog alone in a room so he could cut him open. And one was sitting on the floor because one was trying to trip him. Yes...this was going to be a really...really...long...day.


End file.
